Grow till tall

I'm Hillary.
I'm that girl at IU with the same tattoo as Pocahontas.
I'm majoring in Graphic Design with minors in marketing and art history.
I love Jesus, comic books, LOTR, running, road trips, movies, pizza, sleep, and Europe.
I've never taken the internet seriously, neither should you.
~ Tuesday, April 22 ~
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when she was just a girl,
she expected the world

but it flew away from her reach so she ran away in her sleep



and dreamed of para para paradise

Para para paradise
Para para paradise




every time she closed her eyes


~ Sunday, April 20 ~
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ohheyyy- asked: i've been praying for you every day.

Thanks, Amy.
You’re a wonderful Christian, I’ve always admired that.

Please pray for my Grandpa, brother, and dad, especially. I wish I could carry their load, I feel like they’re more disturbed by all of this more than I am or don’t know how to cope and it’s very hard to watch.

Keep being the great person you are. xx


~ Saturday, April 19 ~
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I don’t know where to begin.

My grandpa Jack has been suffering from demetia and minor strokes the past few months. He’d wake up in the middle of the night and not know where he was or who my grandma was.

Heartbreak began when he started giving us “talks.” He knew his time was ending and he knew he had to start telling my brother and I how proud he is of us.

I’d taken him to the neurologist myself with grandma and they’d admitted multiple times that he had been on too much medication- his mind was foggy but seemed to be okay for him to drive and do normal things again.

This Wednesday, my mom called my brother and I saying,

"Your Grandpa flipped a switch. He shot Grandma June."


As you can imagine, Chris and I began sobbing our hearts out.
The man who’d helped raise us as children and, arguably, spent more time with us than our own dad had just shot our sweet, innocent, Christian, inspiring, beautiful Grandma. They’d been married 56 years, he’d never laid a finger on her.

What happened was: they’d gone to Bible study that morning, decided to go to the casino for lunch and gambling with friends, but Grandpa claimed he didn’t feel well. Grandma became annoyed and started “nagging” him and calling him names like, “baby.”

After they’d gotten home, he claims she’d kept nagging him for ten minutes.

He snapped and said he was grabbing a gun.

She said she didn’t believe him.

He said I have the gun in front of your face, she was almost entirely blind so she didn’t believe him.

He said shut up then shot her three inches away from her right cheek.

She died on the bed, the one I shared with her when I’d sleep over as a kid.



He tried to shoot himself three times but missed and grazed his head.


He went to the backyard and fell to his knees, sobbing.


He called the police and surrendered himself.



Our Grandpa Jack is not there. He died with Grandma June.
When we visit him in prison or the mental hospital, he will be a ghost.
He knows he will die in his cell, but he doesn’t know what’s happened.
He is gone and now we’re limited to thirty minute talks Saturdays and Sundays, scheduled well in advance.

When my dad visited, I told him to tell Grandpa that I know he was wrong, but I forgive him, and I still love him.

He replied, “that will look good in court.”


My time with my “grandpa” is now literally measured.



We’re coping. We’re angry. We’re sad. We’re confused.


My grandma’s funeral is Thursday and yes, we will lose it.
Her favorite holiday is Easter, and now she will be spending it with Jesus himself.
Selfishly, all I have of her is a silly Easter card she sent a week ago with her silly drawings of bunnies hopping and the Cross poorly drawn in the corner due to her eyes.


I’ll never throw it away, I’ll never think of murder when I think of my Grandpa, I’ll never think of my “poor” Grandma. That is not my family.


My brother went on the news to explain our family’s suffering, and hopefully, get people to stop calling our grandpa a “sexist, brainless murderer.”

I’ve never felt so much love and support from friends, family and strangers in my life. This nightmare has shed light on God’s love.


Jesus died for the sins of humanity. God will forgive my Grandpa.

The hardest line to pray is,
"forgive those who trespass against us," but I’ll always love my real Grandpa Jack Lang.

image

April 20th, 12:23AM update:

My dad just got home from Milwaukee and meeting my grandpa in jail.
His bail was set at $500,000 cash, meaning the judge did not want him out under any circumstance.

"Judge."
Everyone keeps saying it in Church and during this Easter weekend, obviously, and it terrifies me- thinking about my Grandpa being judged.


Anyways, to show how out of it he is, he forgot who his brother was during the visitation and he doesn’t remember most of the legal advice he’s being given. It makes it extremely hard to sort things out.
My dad returned home 20 years older- saying “okay let’s go to steak n shake like we promised,” but we made him go to bed.
Before he did, he told us grandpa signed power of attorney over to us so now we can work to get him in a mental institution instead of jail so we can visit and he can get help.



One of the most interesting things I’ve learned this weekend:

I was sitting in Good Friday service, balling my eyes out, watching our church be cloaked in black blankets, watching our congregation mourn the death of Christ.

All I could think about was my Grandma’s death. Her undeserving end to her selfless, gentle life.

On the wall, the new banners made by the newly confirmed kids were hung, and one was 2 Timothy 1:7:

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Before all of this, my Grandpa was one of the smartest men I’ve ever known.

He was a volunteer police officer who enjoyed wood working, going out for breakfast, and wearing tshirts with funny sayings on them.

This was his sound mind, and the devil consumed it. Dementia took hold, and manipulated his rationale and love.


I stared at that kid’s stupid banner for a few minutes, wanting to tear the felt letters off but it wouldn’t make a difference. 

He’s gone.

Update: April 20, 10:30pm

I found an interview I did of my Grandma June when I was about 12 or so. We had to write faith interviews for Confirmation over influential people in our life, and I picked her first.

There are probably 15 questions here, these are my two favorite answers she gave me (I would post them all if I could):

How do you implement faith in your daily life?

Grandma June:

"I try to do things that God would want me to do. Go places he’d want me to go. But I fail sometimes. I hit the casino once in a while, and sometimes spend a litte more than I should. And God’s resources should go towards his kingdom. But we all sin when we’re young babies, or until we go to the grave. So we continue to repent. And try harder."

How would you describe your relationship with Jesus?

Grandma June:

"Jesus saved my sins.
I’m an older lady now, but he was always in my heart. Even when I was a little child, I felt something happy inside. And I know that he is always there, and I’m going to see him, when I go through that final door I’m looking forward to seeing people that we loved, and first of all, seeing Jesus.
And He’ll bring forth the rest.”

The only picture of my Grandma I have on my computer:

image

she was always the one behind the camera even though she was half blind haha

Update: April 21, 10:26PM:

just did a live interview with Lauren Lake on the Dr. Drew On Call show. A National TV interview. wow. that is one thing i was not expecting, especially about this.

The hashtag…
"Nagged to death."

…if there’s one thing i’ve learned about the world this week it’s that no news source will ever report the story.
everyone keeps telling me i did well, and i’ll admit- i really tried by best.
i don’t remember a word i said because it went so quickly but i remember thinking, “i’ll never feel relief.”

i called my brother who, frankly, was not pleased about the whole thing. his interview was two days ago and he warned me that it’s not satisfying and the only story they care about is that grandpa is “crazy.”

nothing about grandma, nothing about how our family really is/feels.

he was right.
all the world knows now is that my grandpa killed my grandma for “nagging” him, but they’ll never understand.
being back in bloomington, in a big city, where no one knows who i am, the only thing going through my mind daily is a quote I heard somewhere:

"When I’m driving through the streets and I see the common man staring at me,

I’m struck by how little I know of his life,
and how little he knows of mine.”



-this will be updated as the story continues


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~ Thursday, April 10 ~
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Sib pic when Chris and I were 13 and 15/Chris looked like a Beatles reject/I was an insecure high schooler with too much make up #springbreak2009

Sib pic when Chris and I were 13 and 15/Chris looked like a Beatles reject/I was an insecure high schooler with too much make up #springbreak2009

Tags: springbreak2009
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typostrate:

Upland Branding

Today we got some news from our followers that yesterday, Midwest-based Upland Brewing Company unveiled some pretty exciting packaging changes. The goal of the new look was simple: to capture the quality, culture and spirit that make us unique. The hand-crafted nature of the beer is reflected in the extensive use of hand-lettered type and illustrations. We love it when a company creates a new packaging and is willing to have an ear on the designer creating all things as fantastic as Young & Laramore did here. So enjoy this packaging and get inspired!

way to freaking go, upland!


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~ Sunday, March 30 ~
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Being tolerant does not mean that I share another’s belief. But it does mean that I acknowledge another’s right to believe, and obey, his own conscience.
— Viktor Frankl (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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the real question here isvoulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir……………….
(y does it look like i’m out of breath)

the real question here is


voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir……………….






(y does it look like i’m out of breath)


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~ Saturday, March 29 ~
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*sigh*

Today,


I scheduled my classes and life around my family and Dean.
Assuming I’ve planned it all correctly, which I’m 99% sure I have,

I’ll be graduating December 20, 2014

And hopefully be in Australia by February 2015
until whenever my visa is expired.


I can’t explain the amount of love I’m surrounded by…


Both of my parents support me 100%, the first thing my dad started asking about when I said I could graduate early was,
"Okay, but let’s talk about you in Australia."
They’re willing to help out as much financially as they can, which is more generosity than I deserve.

And to my friends who I love so much and mean the world to me,

come visit me down under!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I love you all.





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~ Saturday, March 22 ~
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All eight of us hope your spring break was as perfect as ours

All eight of us hope your spring break was as perfect as ours


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~ Thursday, March 13 ~
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sprang breakkkkkkkk

I remember walking home with one of my closest friends and his little sister about 5 years ago. And daylight savings had just began, so the sun was out late and it was pretty warm.

Suddenly he jokingly pushed me and the next thing I remember is us racing each other home. His little sister’s legs were so short, she could hardly keep up.

I remember we were both wearing chucks, which are not ideal running shoes. We both stopped and ran out of breath with the little girl yelling,

"Stop it guys!! I am slow!"

It was a day or two before I was leaving for Texas for Spring Break, which was my favorite spring break to date.




It was probably the most…unspecial day I could vividly remember:

The three of us walking to Subway for dinner,
then racing each other home.


But I’d love to relive that day.

That anticipation, that excitement in the air.

Spring and summer are close, we’re all tired and growing more and more depressed as we get older and winter drags on…


Right now, I’m in college and I’m about to travel with my best friends to NOLA and Miama for spring break.

Today I was burnt out from life that I ate ice cream out of the carton.




What if in 5 years I look back and think, “2014 was the best spring break I’ve ever had.”




What if I yearn for this day in the future.
This mundane, unspecial, average day…





I just wish there was a way for us to know when we’re in the good times while we’re in the good times.


~ Tuesday, March 11 ~
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art is worth the struggle!

hi i am hillary

I am the graphic designer for the IU yearbook and Student Media Bureau

What does that mean, hillary??????

Frankly, I don’t know.As a graphic designer, I’ve found that in most of my jobs I’m hardly involved with the actual company. I just make artwork for them example:

image

logo i designed last week, (yes i am kind of proud of this it’s for my new job where i get paid $12/hr to sit at home and work on my computer and jam to asap rocky so give me a break i’m having a moment here)


but still. I have no idea what we do for IU. something with videos and networking between student organizations. it doesn’t really matter, as long as they like my artwork, my job sounds pretty secure.

BUT i do know that graphic designers (and artists in general) can be easily abused. as such, i highly advocate for fellow artists to never take an unpaid internship or work for free.


I’m being generously compensated, I’m not complaining about my jobs, and I love both of them dearly. please don’t get me wrong.

I just want you guys to know that art tends to be abused by your friends who say, “hey! you know illustrator/photoshop! please make this for me?” or businesses that say “looking to build your portfolio? make this for us and we’ll pick the best design!”

while those can help build your portfolios, please know that you deserve more than that. your art is your job, it’s not just a hobby, anymore. this isn’t just about gaining experience, eventually, you’re going to have to expect more than that, make it now. don’t belittle yourself or your passion!

my professor last year told my class,

"There are always more jobs out there for designers than there are designers."

at first, i didn’t believe him because the starving artist stereotype crosses my mind daily.

but the older i become and the more knowledge i gain, the more i realize how many people need every form of art.

don’t think that you’ll take the next opportunity to build your portfolio because it’s the only work you’ll have.

take the job because it will work for you.


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~ Tuesday, March 4 ~
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hey guys! h lang here!
my bffs and i just wanted to remind you how awesome samsung products are!

hey guys! h lang here!

my bffs and i just wanted to remind you how awesome samsung products are!


~ Saturday, February 22 ~
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Thank God every day knowing that I found him despite the distance/odds/life

Thank God every day knowing that I found him despite the distance/odds/life


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~ Wednesday, February 5 ~
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amazingabby:

my roommate lost her mind over this.

Shaq 4 life

(Source: iraffiruse)


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everyone’s favorite blogging family.
ah
i can’t wait to be a mom some day

everyone’s favorite blogging family.

ah

i can’t wait to be a mom some day


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reblogged via richesforrags