I live in a family full of judgemental, often pretentious, vocal, and intelligent people.
I’ve felt on edge every year. Always worried about who would bring up the explosive topic this year or who would have one bad table manner that would set everyone into a frenzy.
But this year, Dean is with us.
Good job. He’s perfect. We all love him.”
This year, my brother has grown up.
"He’s…not in highschool anymore. It’s not even the same kid…"
I’m not scared. We sat as a family:
Four Americans, two Iranians, two Brits, and one Australian.
This family is not entirely blood, but we are entirely loved.
Thanksgiving is gone, and I’m sitting here in bed,
looking out at Richmond, Virginia.
The colonial houses are not suburbia, they’re English. Like I’m in England.
They’re not repetitive in the least bit. I’ll look at them forever.
I can see a mosque, I can see a Church, I can see major streets, I can see the city lights.
It’s now Christmas, the most holy time of the year.
Forget tradition, forget assumptions, and see each other.
You are here with them, with me, with yourself.
May Jesus shine his face upon you
and give you peace.
I loved this precious little kitten and I named her Bowie
and every morning, she’d curl up on my chest and lay her head on my nose
And we had this weird connection, as if she took on my entire personality
She’d watch me paint, literally
And with every cat’s trademark curiosity, she’d diligently stare at the posters I’ve made and hung in my room.
And every time I came home from school, she’d recognize me and curl up with me and reminded me that no person is alone so long as they have love,
even if it’s a silly cat
She got me through last year, when Dean was home in Australia and I didn’t feel close to my friends.
One day she started acting mean and isolated and about 10 days later, we had to put her down because she had feline leukemia.
We got her little paw prints stamped,
And then said bye.
She was just over a year old.
No matter if Bowie had lived for a day or a decade, I would’ve loved her just the same.
She got me through some of the loneliest parts of my depression
She died about 3 months ago now and I think about her every day, partly because the posters in my room are a tough reminder.
It’s silly to think that a simple cat could effect a person so much, but if you have a pet that you love, and truly care for, you can guarantee they love you too.
I’m sorry if this comes off as white girl and whiny, and I might delete this post because I’m a very insecure person and don’t want people to assume I’m self centered in my own problems or feeling sorry for myself
but I’d hope that any one who has ever had a connection with an animal can empathize.
All she had was oatmeal and one Bowie record to last her all summer.
I’m amazed every day at our ability to take any place, any arbitrary destination, and call it home.
I chose IU because I didn’t know where to go
I chose my roommates because they were the only ones who liked me
I chose my room because it was the only one left in the house that wasn’t taken.
And here I am,
Not “home,” exactly
And sleeping comfortably next to my Aussie every night.
I guess the trick now is for us to use this ability to make other places home and show it to others.
I have this heavy heart of permanence that forbids me from
I don’t know why but
I’m not happy
I need someone important to hug me and let me cry on their shoulder for a few minutes until I get my thoughts together
but then I don’t want that person to leave
I want them to stay next to me even when I suck
I want someone to punch me in the face every time I feel sorry for myself
every time I make the same mistake over and over again
I’d truly appreciate if someone could just punch me in the side until I get it together
I don’t have anyone to push me
They trust me enough to keep myself together