“I feel anxious when I’m worried that I won’t be the best.”
“Like, if what if one time I create a masterpiece but everything that follows is average. What if I’m not the prettiest girl in the party. What if I’m not the funniest person in the room. What if my second impression is a fading glimpse of my success. I’m anxious always.”
“You’re developing always.”
i really need everyone to quit their jobs and/or stop sleeping past noon because all i want to do right now is drown myself in giant margaritas in brooklyn
be not afraid, be not alone-
I have come to take you home.
be not alone, be not ashamed-
I have called you by your name.
be not ashamed, lose not your sight-
my yoke is easy and my burden is light!
I am strong enough to save, I am risen from the grave!
I’m the promise, I’m the lamb:
Son of God and Son of Man, I’ve come to save and not to damn-
do you know what I did for the first time in months?
I looked at you. Truly, whole heartedly looked at you.
saw myself in the reflection of your eyes, saw our shared memories in the back of your head, saw the goodness in your heart.
the further I look the more absorbed I am into your life
the more anger fills me, the sad-
do you even truly know sad? you say you do, I want to show it to you
you both warped me into this
stole my friends betrayed my trust and haunted my dreams
nobody really remembered me
they claim they did, they claim to have cared
but then they could be found next to you
and nobody stayed with me
I didn’t simply lose one love of my life, I’d lost a dozen or more.
Then lost myself
I’m not in love with him anymore.
I’m not angry at you anymore.
but it doesn’t even matter. it’s over.
we’ve all destroyed each other and left nothing to start again
I like hugs because sometimes I forget that people are real entities. They are not projections in my mind. I like feeling how small a person truly is. My mind makes everything feel outrageously huge. Feeling a person, a tangible object with so much inside of him or her is strange because shouldn’t there be so much to hug? All of this person’s thoughts and organs and feelings and tendons and love and blood into one object? How does it all fit? I can’t hold all of that in my arms! But as I hug this person closely, I am not smothered or overwhelmed. I am surrounded by a compact package- an entire life that fits into their flesh that I can touch and embrace.
vois sur ces canaux
dormir ces vaisseaux
dont l’humeur est vagabonde;
c’est pour assouvir
ton moindre désir
Qu’ils viennent du bout du monde,
les soleils couchants.
Revêtent les champs,
les canaux, la ville entière,
d’hyacincthe et d’or;
Le monde s’endort
dans une chaude lumière.